Just an Honest Modern Day Psalm

My heart fails so easily and so quickly.
I want to be solid in you, Lord.
I want to love the way you created me to love. I want to laugh, cry, shout, and dance in all the ways and in all the depth, that you created me to.

I want to feel, Lord.

I want to feel all the time. I want to feel peace, and love, and joy, and hope, and excitement.
When you created man, you created us with hearts that were meant to feel... and they were meant to feel deeply. Let not fear hold me back from feeling, because fear is not from you. There are so many things in this life that try to tell me that I need to fear to feel, and to love, but what is life if I don’t love and if I don’t let people in?

I have such a tendency to block my heart off from others and to hide from them who I really am, in fear that I will be rejected and that they won’t love me in return. In turn for doing this, I have pushed so many people around me, away. I ask you, Lord, for more of you. I want to be more selfless and to care about others more than myself. I want to go out of my way to love people, and to sacrifice what I want so that I can better serve my brothers and sisters.

Please teach me how to do this, teach me how to give of myself rightly. Not to give of myself to the point of burnout because that means I’m giving out of my own human heart, and I want to be giving what I am receiving from you, so then I will never run out, for you have all the strength, love, forgiveness, kindness I need.
I am at the end of myself, and I know that without you I have nothing to offer. I love you, and I want to love “my brother” better in the way that you desire me to. I just long to please you Lord. You know this. You see this. I know that nothing else in this life matters.

I want you more than I want anything else...
I want you more than I want to find my "nitch” in ministry, because what i do, doesn’t define me. I want you more than I want to be with my family, friends, and loved ones. I want you more than I want stuff, a house, a car, food, nice things, etc. because those things will not matter in the end. I want you more than I want to be married, because I know that man doesn't validate my existence....You are the only one who does.

God, I want you more than anything, and all my desires are open before you. They have not disappeared or gone away, but I give them back to you. You’re the giver of all these things, and I want them to come from your hand if you choose to fulfill them.

This is my modern day psalm.