When we say to the Lord, "Send me, Lord, I'll go!" often times we don't really mean we'll go wherever He sends us and haven't fully given the lives we are living now to the Lord, so why do we think it will be any different in another city or country? When I was about 14 years old the Lord called me to be a missionary, but the ironic thing was I didn't even really know Jesus when I was sitting on my couch, knowing that I was going to eventually give my life to whatever God called me to. This is actually a part of my testimony and a huge part of the Lord leading me to Himself. I knew that I was called to missions by God, therefore needed to get to know who God was in order to get there. Originally, my heart exploded for the country of Haiti. For years I tried to go to Haiti, and eventually after a mission to New York City and just before moving to Minnesota, I spent a week in Haiti being God's hands and feet.
About a week after I came back from Haiti, I moved to Minnesota to go to Bethany College of Missions, for cross-cultural studies and to be rooted and grounded in the Lord. I came to BCOM intending to go to Africa on the 16-month internship BCOM offers. I was actually quite stubborn, and literally told the Lord I am going to Africa and I will not go to Europe. I've never ever had a heart for European people, and have always felt more of a pull to go to a thrid world, impoverished country. During the first few months of school the Lord was preparing my heart for what was to come and told me to give up Africa, and to let Him decide where He wants me to go. The Lord revealed to me that when I said, "I'll go anywhere for you Lord!", I meant, "I'll go where I think you'll call me Lord!" After A LOT of my pride and stubborness was out of the way, I began to see things a little more clearly. Ironcally, I never actually signed up for Africa for internship, because I never felt a peace about it, I signed up for Austria instead. I signed up for Austria feeling a call to work among prostitutes and broken people in Europe, finding out quickly that Austria was not the country I was called to. So, when the option of France as a mission field came to me, I didn't even consider it. My initial thoughts, were something like this, " France doesn't need missionaries, they have all they could ask for." "There's not even a need in France, I won't go there." "I want to be a missionary, not a tourist." Wow, these questions came from my heart out of pure ignorance. Physically, France is a prosperous country that is doing very well, but as I studied the needs of this country, I was amazed at the INCREDIBLE Spiritual poverty of this nation.
So, because I knew in my heart that Austria was not my mission field, I asked the Lord to lead me to the right country. The deadline for switching sites was approaching and in a step of faith, I changed my site to Nantes, France. Still unsure if this was the place I was supposed to go, the Lord faithfully answered my prayers and met my now willing heart, with comfort and peace about going to this country. Through several instinces of confirmation and prophecy, I am confident that France is were the Lord is leading me next.
I have began to learn so much about the immense spiritual needs in France, and as I pray I am seeing the Lord's heart for this people. The Lord yearns so badly to draw them to Himself, that they may have freedom from the depression and hopelessness that fills their lives.
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