God is so good at being vulnerable

Now, trust, I am finding out, is really hard for me. I thought that it was only that I didn’t trust men because of the hurt and abuse they have caused me in my past, but it’s much bigger than that.

MUCH BIGGER.

I have a hard time trusting God.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, asking Him where is it that this has come in…why don’t I trust HIM?
What is the root issue?
Many things come to my mind as I remember memory after memory of pain, things that shouldn’t have happened, and in each one I find my heart blaming it on God.

Why didn’t you stop it?
Why didn’t you keep me from this pain?
Why don’t you punish the ones who wronged me?

…Why weren’t you there?

My heart aches thinking that the One whom I call Protector and Savior wasn’t’ there….


But what happens next is beautiful. So beautiful.


He opens my eyes.

He opens my eyes to see that He was there. And I begin to feel His heart for me.
I begin to feel His heart aching for me. I am not the only one hurting now…it’s not all about me anymore.

HE becomes my focus.

He knows things that I may never know. Only He knows why He didn’t stop it, why He didn’t keep me from the pain…
Maybe it’s because He wanted me to have a deeper understanding of pain, in order that I may better love another hurting woman in her pain....i don't know...

But I do know that only He can make something so ugly become something so beautiful.
And now I know, I mean my heart really knows, that He was there.

Which makes all the difference in the world.

He was with me, not standing off to a distance while watching and not doing anything about it. NO, He was next to me, stroking my hair reminding me that He had not forgotten me. He did this, even when He knew I was too blind to see Him.

Something I have been thinking is, God is sooo good at being vulnerable.

He pours out His heart and LIFE to us constantly, I mean for ETERNITY, HE ALWAYS HAS, ALWAYS IS, AND ALWAYS WILL, pour His love over us, even though He is all knowing. Which means He knows that He will get ignored, hurt, and betrayed more times than the human being can count. And yet…He still does it.
It’s a genuine love, a love that hopes for the best each time, EVEN WHEN HE KNOWS THE OUTCOME.

Gosh, I don’t even know how to take that.

All I know is that it gives me more courage to be more vulnerable to trust..